Law School Girlies
Updated: Oct 11, 2022
I absolutely love law school.
Hold on, hear me out, pick up your jaw from the floor. Surely you're thinking, "Wait, didn't you famously create a TikTok account for your Facebook Market furniture that you started because you compulsive bought them instead of studying 1L year?" Yes, of course, but- "Wait, isn't one of those TikToks you crying hysterically about having to chase your dog in her little dumb diaper around making you late for Admin Law?" Yes, yes fair, but wait, wait, wait.
Law school combines several of my favorite things: low-stakes politics, odd bedfellows, the kind of gossip that makes your hand ache for an overpriced cocktail to sip *for emphasis*, dark academia aesthetics, acquaintances who appear like cameo side characters, type casts, people-watching. If you've ever worked in an office as your 9-to-5, you know that office drama only takes you so far. But going back to school, and specifically law school itself, has presented me a whole little closed world of drama, a theatre of my own. The cast is outstanding, and can be fairly split up into two main groups. The male law students and the female law students, and why for the love of God, they're so different. Like with all things, I'm purposely choosing to forget about the existence of men, and dedicate this post entirely to my favorite subset of people: the law school girlies.
Law school girlies are the shit. Truly the best. I feel like I have found the largest gathering of my *people* yet. You know, your people? The ones that just innately follow along with everything you say, head nodding and mmm-hmming with total seriousness, because they just simply understand you? I always get so delighted when I meet one in the wild, and I've sporadically accumulated them across the world. But then after a few months, I'd always have to move. I have wonderful friends that I keep up with when I can, but it's been such a joy to find such a large population of them in real life, and connect with this string of similarities we share even though we're all so different. And I've come to find, from all my older female mentors, that they prove vital in our future careers seeped in male privilege and sexism. We need each other and isn't it so much better that I am genuinely obsessed with them?
Here's the groups of girlies I know and adore:
the moot court bitches
These are the girlies who get a legitimate thrill from a full inbox. Deadlines are simply future boxes to checked off, with the flick of a sleek stylus on their beloved tablets. These girls somehow always have their nails freshly done (and from the good place too, betch) and their lobs are never not sleek, which doesn't even make sense because their schedules are insane. They perfectly color-code their outfits, rock a low hairdo with the 90s chip clip, and somehow never seem to spill on themselves ((meanwhile, my laptop looks like someone used it as a plate*)). They are giving Dean's List, they are giving Trial Practice at the state Supreme Court House, they are giving circuit court judicial clerkship. They will make a sick amount of money in their careers, and honestly, good for them over like, truly, any man.
the law review auteurs
Hermione Granger could never. Rory Gilmore could never. These power bitches are being published, seeing their name in ink. They have mastered highlighting and can recite the Bluebook in their sleep. They have been deeply hooked on Phonics since a little girl. There's a high probability that they were a former horse girl, fanfic girl, orchestra kid, or avidly subscribed to the American Girl Doll magazine. All that pent-up energy and creativity that perhaps made them tragically dorky growing up are now seeing the ultimate glow-up in law school. There's now honors society they haven't been invited into. They will end up a professor, with a kind, hot stay-at-home husband.
These girlies have a specific table they go to in the reading room that because they have scouted out the best natural light, just in case their BeReal hits. You've never seen them without a Starbucks oat milk ice latte in their hands, and their keychains are the loudest things you've ever heard. The furious clack of their acrylic tips in class as they type their notes became their calling card. They're all weirdly good at Civil Procedures, Constitutional Law, and Federal Courts. Legally Blonde wasn't just a favorite film, it became Sofia Coppola bible to them. They have a few tasteful computer decals, like "What, Like It's Hard?" or perhaps RBG as the madonna.They have great style and also would be totally frank in the different beauty procedures they've gotten done (and truly, good for them). People may have underestimated them in the beginning, but they're going to be the ones with the healthiest work-life balance in the future, because they know their worth. They are going into corporate law or civil litigation, and honestly, you hope they kill it.
the public interest bitches
You literally never get to see this girlie because she's never there. She's somehow balancing an externship with ACLU, a part-time job, a pro bono clinic, a research position with the Indiana Legal Defense, 15 credit hours, and a sensitive, white boyfriend with one of those little mustaches. She is a registered Democrat, but will say some shit about Joe Biden. She took every single Critical Race Theory, housing law, health law, family law class she could. She's in the Women's Caucus and the Feminist Law Society (the irony that they split is not lost on her.) She volunteers doing protest legal advice at public demonstrations. She'll get arrested if she must. You fear her. You love her. She'll go into immigration law, public health and bioethics, school-based legal support, domestic violence survivor advocacy, or employment discrimination- and she will make the best good trouble.
the corporate heaux
I could never. But truly, I really could never. I have successfully avoided any course with the word "Business" in it ((until I caved this semester under bar pressure and took Closely Held Business- please for the love of God do not ask me what closely held means)) and actively fear the mention of "boilerplates" or "transactions" or "quorum." But these women fear nothing. They know that despite the fact that there are more women than men in the law school as a whole, their business classes will be disproportionately full of the most obnoxious male gunners, who are more than happy to talk about their IU Kelley degree if you don't cut them off in time. These girlies are dying for the thrill of practice and networked so unbelievably hard to land that cushy (re: lucrative) summer internship at a corporate law firm. They have at least one Insta pic of them in front of the little girl and bull statute on Wall Street. Normally, you're like, ew capitalism (like Elon Musk), but when they do it, you're like, oooh capitalism (like Rihanna).
the law for the sake of learning girlies
These are the girls who found themselves going back to school, and honestly are thrilled by it. They were always the brown-nosing honors students who really just liked to learn, to talk, to share. They work hard to stay informed; their most used app is Twitter and they regularly cite to TikTok. They worship at the ground of NPR's The Daily and only consume cult documentaries (with subtitles, of course.) They got really into Wordle. They are Katies (iykyk). They could verbatim repeat back the entire timelines of the Don't Worry Darling press tour fiasco. They watched every single Jan. 6 Congressional hearing, as they snuck watching them on their phone during the work day. Drop literally any subject, and they could provide a quick opinion on it: private-run teenage reform camps in the juvenile system like the one that victimized Paris Hilton; the implications of the court of public opinions for the Amber Heard/Johnny Depp trial; the legalization of sex work; any recent Supreme Court decision, Indiana's recent injunction on the state abortion ban, and what really happened to JonBenet. These women are sharp and witty, and you adore their opinions. They make for great legislation-drafters and politicians, and will be excellent mentors one day.
Of course, while of course I root for women in law, I have to admit that where there are women's rights, there are also women's wrongs. Listen, are there women at law school who really grind my gears? The ones who take the privilege of law school for granted? The ones who think there can only be one woman at the table and damned if it's not them? The ones who will get married, have children, and drop out of the field entirely, while their male counterparts move ahead and become national decision-makers and their husbands benefit from their unpaid labor? The ones who cheat at take-home exams, or barely participate in a group project, or treat the law school staff rudely? The ones who who are silent about their male friend who everyone knows is a serial harasser? The ones who set up a table with dolls in gestational stages to harass other students with their anti-abortion stance, who are learning the law only to roll back their own rights? Yeah I don't love them, and they really push the boundaries of my feminism, but I turn back to the ones who inspire me.
Any girlies I'm missing?
*a real quote by my kickass boss. Not sure if she's found my blog yet but she does avidly follow my TikTok and always comments *a true gem*